Post IV

The following is a clip from CH. 1 It's an argument with Sydney and her husband Jason:




A week went by and evening found Sydney laying wide awake in bed again. She got up in her usual tradition; but this time she paced at the foot of the bed. Jason was still asleep and she resented that he slept so soundly. She stared at the human-shaped lump of bedding. She spoke to that lump:


“I can’t do this anymore.” Somewhere under a pillow, she heard his muffled grunt, then muffled reply,

“Can you be more specific?”

“Jason, I’m being serious.”

“Ok, hold on,” he said, while unburying himself and turning over to click on the light at the edge of his bed. He squinted at her silhouette, and asked, “But do you have to be serious at…” he paused to look at the time on their alarm clock, “…at three AM in the morning?”

“Oh hun, I’m sorry. It’s just…you know I haven’t been able to sleep these past few months, and I keep having that stupid dream. I don’t have any clue why? I’m stressed to the max about ideas for my next book. The publisher’s on my tail to cough up a proposal or else I’ll lose my contract. The inspiration for this book is just simply not there. I can’t function on no sleep; it makes me cranky and I’ve been yelling at the kids, which isn’t like me. And the real issue is that I feel dull and disenchanted. I’m happy just not content. Does that make any sense?”


Jason waited a moment to reply as he sat there trying to read her, as well as untangle her long winded rambling, that always ended with a question. “See, is this one of those times that you’re venting and I’m just suppose to listen; or am I supposed to reply and try to fix the problem?”

“Jason!”

“Ok, I guess that means a response. Alright you want honesty? Look, hun, you’re a great writer, the best in my opinion. These things take time. I don’t need to tell you that. I think you’ve never experienced this much stress before and you’re freaked out by it. I mean, part of the reason you feel so disconnected, or disenchanted, or whatever word you used, is just that. There’s no passion in your life, there’s no conflict, there’s no new spark. Look around, you’ve got a perfect life, the amazing career, the 2.5 kids, hell, even your dog is well behaved. You’re such an overachiever, you even had twins at your first pregnancy,” he laughed.


Sydney laughed out too at the irony of it all. For the first time in a long while, they shared in a bit of humor.

“How did you get so insightful?” she asked, stretching out her hand to touch his face.

“I live with a writer,” he grinned. “Sydney, you’ve got your life so perfect, it’s almost damaging. How can that inspire anyone to write, let alone live? It leaves you no room for mistakes, or to enjoy contrast. What you are is routine.”

“Now hold on, I’m not routine.”

“You’re not? He asked, cocking his head to the side, challenging her refute. “You can’t do anything that’s not in your agenda book.” I bet you never even switch up what kind of coffee you order every morning.

“Ok, maybe a little routine.” she admitted.

“Thank you.” Ok, I got it…your life is like… the game dominoes.” “Dominoes? Oh, this should be good.” Sydney readjusted herself facing more towards him now.


“Ya, well, not the actual game of dominoes, which no one really knows how to play, but it’s like when you were a kid and you used to line them up in a perfect pattern to watch it all fall in a beautiful cascade. That’s you. You don’t realize there’s so much more you can do with dominoes, other than lining them up nice and neat.”

Sydney gave him a confused look and a courtesy nod of almost agreement. “Nice random analogy, hun.” she replied sarcastically.

“The point is, if you keep at this perfect pace, it’s going to stress you out even more. Look at you now, you’re having all these weird dreams, you can’t really sleep. Sydney, I’m worried about you. Maybe you should go see a psychol..psycholanayl..psychiatrist.. What are those people called?”

“A shrink. You want me to see a shrink? Oh, that’s great Jason, now you think I’m losing my mind?” She had both arms folded, which communicated her usual, ‘I’m done with this conversation’ gesture.

“No. I think I’m losing my mind; and you going to see a shrink will help prevent that from happening.”

“I can’t believe you’re trying to be funny?”
     Ok, look, I’m sorry. But, you’re not the only one feeling the strain here. I mean, Sydney, I love you, but I don’t know if you’re aware that our marriage is feeling more and more like a business partnership. You got our family so regimented, I feel we live in an army barracks. You’re so preoccupied with your career, I feel there’s three of us in this marriage.”


She sat there starring at him in shock, proving that these things never crossed her mind. “I didn’t realize you were this unhappy. But excuse me, isn’t this what you wanted? Didn’t you want a structured home, a smart, hardworking wife, isn’t that what you married?”

“I married you because I saw in you this smart, talented, high energy woman, that was an inspiration to me. But all this talent and drive is blinding you to what life is really about. Yes, there’s comfort in routine and perfection. But you’re losing your appreciation for life because you’ve never had it hard, you’ve never had to truly work for something. You’re so smart your career practically fell into your hands. You’re so charming, I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. That’s great, but open your eyes and look around you. Once you realize that your life’s happiness is not about this perfect balancing act that you work so hard to maintain, you’ll see it’s more about keeping true priorities, and letting everything else fall by the wayside. You just might be happier.”


Sydney was silent just thinking and trying to judge if what he said might be true. It was at this moment of internalization, that the idea for her next book started to form, at least subconsciously.

“It’s way too late for all this. I think you might be right, but I need some time to think about it.”

“Can we get some sleep now?” He almost begged.

She didn’t reply but just gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before leaning over to turn off the light.